Families at war !

theres a saying that has always stuck in my head since i was young,

"you can choose your friends but not your family"

shame really .....

no i love most of my family, i think everyone gets that feeling where they wish they were in someone elses family ive done this loads of time, i love my grandparents the most, 

my grandparents mean so much to me, people dont realise just how close we are they are  more like my parents, sometimes wish they actually were lol, but i think of them as my parents, they have done so much for me and i can never say a bad word about them, only that i love them more than words can ever say 

my mum i love her just hate it that we aint so close we havent been since she kicked me out this was due to depression, she couldnt cope with truth and lies that were going round and she beats herself up inside for what has happened so many years ago, 

things i want her to know and hear ......

i dont blame her for what happened im just never  going to be able to understand why she didnt stop it all, she had the chance and didnt take it and that she will have to live with, so i love her for being so honest, i love her because in her way she did try to protect and make my childhood fun, the best thing she did was to leave him, that i am so grateful tho he doesnt know this.... 

but mum i do love you xxxx 

x Who I am today x

Who I am today means so much to me
when I think of everything Ive been through

I have alot of people to thank

but there is one person in partical,
because of you i am strong in so many ways


you may have my childhood
you may have my fears
you may have my thoughts


one thing you will never have is my faith

and you will never know how much love i have for people

I now HAVE a life
I now HAVE a love life
I now HAVE a social life

I have so many friends and people who love me more
than you will ever have
I dont have regrets or have anything to be ashamed of
or feel guilty for ....

unlike YOU

I feel nothing but PITTY for you

Shame you didnt treat me right to see what sort of person I turned out to be
alot of people would agree with me when I say I turned out to be .......

like someones daughter
someones sister
someones granddaughter
someones girlfriend
someones best friend

Now what can you say to that ? ........

?!?!?!

I never told anyone what you did
Because if I did would no what to expect

You are such an expert at what you do,
Any one would think you do this for a living

No wonder you want more kids

so you can rub it in my face that their yours
If only they knew what you was really like

Maybe they would see you in a different light

Or

Maybe they wouldn't because you treat them right

What Did I DO ????

Is it because i was here
Because I was a girl

Maybe it was that I wasn't yours
Maybe I lead you to it
Maybe its my fault
Maybe I was bad

Or did I hurt you that bad
That you had to hate me so much

Deep Thoughts .....

Nobody will be able to hurt me,

No pain, no game

No more sucidal dreams, no screams

No more hurting others, no more pain for others

No holding back

I wanna go back to the day I was left to drown

I looked down and saw myself, I saw me drowning

At what was left of me

I never thought he would leave me

But he did, left me dead

He ripped and dipped me till I couldn't take no more

I can still taste the water in my mouth like it was yesterday

My lungs are filling up

And I wanna give up

I get so upset

I think im possessed

By the devil itself